Jessica in Photos

I was raised in the southern Florida town of Pensacola, Florida along the beautiful Gulf Coast just situated near the Alabama state line. Known for its sugar white beaches, I spent much of my childhood playing outdoors in the Florida sunshine, despite the heat and humidity. I was a child of the 80's, grew up in the 90's and loved every minute of it.

My parents were immigrants from the Philippines, having met each other in Galveston, Texas; therefore, that made my two sisters and I first-generation Filipino Americans. My mother had a storied career as a Registered Nurse. My father proudly served in the US Navy before medically retiring and working civil service. 

My father's injuries and nearly yearlong stay in the hospital is what led him to the Lord when a Filipino pastor, who was working along a Southern Baptist Pastor visited him in the hospital. This was after my father recovered from almost dying and receiving his last rites. I was three years old at the time. Even then, the Lord knew what He was doing in my life as He does now.

One day when I was about 12 years old, I finally admitted to my parents that I had not slept in weeks. I was terrified. Anxious. Depressed. -- That for some reason, I would sleep walk and kill them. 

Why would a 12-year-old child even consider such a thing? You see, my family, well, our family time was watching the news magazine shows of the 1990's, such as Dateline NBC, Primetime Live and 2020. It's not surprising considering that:

1. My parents, for lack of a better word, religiously watched ABC Nightly News every night at 5:30pm.

2. I was named after Jessica Savitch, the Weekend Anchor for NBC Nightly News in the late 1970's and early 80's. 

And, on one of those shows, a man used it as his defense in his murder case, so somehow it became strangely embedded in my psyche.

My parents immediately took me to the hospital, and I was admitted in the adolescent behavioral health unit for about a week. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and OCD.

Living with mental illness wasn't necessarily difficult early on. But, sharing my diagnosis with others, including to even my closest friends was. It was a secret I held tightly to for years and years. It was the early 90's when I was diagnosed, and there was still much still stigma around the disease. 

Then came high school -- a period where I blossomed and came into my own in many ways. Being voted "Most Friendliest" Senior Year, involved in every an any club you could think of throughout and holding positions, such as President and Vice President in multiple organizations. Singing, acting and dancing my way through musical production after musical production. You'd think I would be one of the most secure girls in the world. But, I wasn't. I was far from it. The very overweight, chubby girl since childhood, so wished she could find a boyfriend like the other girls. She so desired, like her closest friends, to make it onto Homecoming Court and then Prom Court, but it never happened. Likely not because of my personality or accomplishments (or maybe so), but because of my looks, I fear. And, it was a dagger to the heart.

I really leaned into the Lord in High School. I mean, I had always felt close to Him growing up. But, now that the need to be loved, desired and wanted by another person so badly filled my days with heartache, I soon found that that longing could only truly be quelled by Jesus Christ, who died and paid it all for me. 

I remember the day so vividly. I was 16-years-old. My church youth group was on a retreat in town, and we had actually taken a recreation break at my High School. I was sitting down by myself on the bleachers as the sun began to sink down below the horizon, with such a warm, soothing, glow, I felt as though the Lord was surrounding me in His arms calling me to be His. I just stared... Gazed into the sun... Eyes going blurry... Unfocused... Until tears began to fall. And, that's when I made the single biggest decision of my life. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. My life was never to be the same, again.

Once I accepted Christ, my life was on fire for Him. It's not that things necessarily got easier in my life, but my soul burned to praise Jesus everyday. As Christians, we are taught that becoming saved secures our eternal salvation and should change the way we now live our lives; however, that doesn't mean the every day struggles simply go away. In fact, sometimes they get even harder, but we have a strong foundation in the Lord to get us through.

High school graduation was a blessing. I graduated in the Top 10 in my class, and I remember my parents beaming with pride. Being the middle child, I always found myself slightly in the shadows of my oldest and youngest sisters, but more importantly to me was always making my parents proud. I would do anything to bring a smile to their faces. They had given me the most idyllic childhood, leaving me wanting nothing, knowing their childhoods weren't as fortunate; not so much in love and affection, but in the extras any child would so desire. You see, the Philippines is an impoverished country, and my parents, especially my father, grew up severely poor. They knew once they immigrated to the States and had their own families, they would give their children everything they didn't have -- and they did. Little did they know that would come in both toys and clothes, but also in my personal relationship with Christ. They fostered and guided me towards the Lord everyday growing up until I could no longer bear the thought of being without Him in my life. That's what amazing, God-fearing parents do. I may not have enjoyed every minute of them steering me as a child, but I am grateful for it. I am so wonderfully blessed the Lord gave them to me as my Mom and Dad and could not be more thankful to still have them with me today.

After graduation and a night of having supervised fun with my classmates at Grad Night, some of my friends and I went to the beach to watch the sunrise. And, just like the sun setting on my old life on the day I was saved when I was 16, watching the sun come across the sky for the start of a new day on this particular morning was like the beginning of a new journey into adulthood, one I wasn't exactly sure I was ready for, but was coming nonetheless. One thing I was certain of was that I had God on my side, and He would be there with me throughout it all.

College was an interesting period of time for me. I wasn't your typical university student right away but started at the local Junior College then headed to Florida State University (Go Noles!) to complete my undergraduate degree. From there, I landed at Syracuse University for graduate school.

I had grand dreams since I was 14 years old, well, actually earlier, of becoming a Broadway musical theater actress -- singing, dancing and acting my way on stage for a living. It all began when my Mom used to take us to the public library when I was in elementary school and rent old musicals on VHS, which she then illegally re-recorded on blank VHS tapes, and I would watch the musicals over and over. Some of my favorites included: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Good News, The King and I, South Pacific, Mary Poppins and so many more. However, when I was 14-years-old and a member of the Colorguard, which was a part of the High School Band, we took a trip to NYC, and I saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway for the first time. From there, I was hooked. I came back singing with a hairbrush in hand at the top of my lungs, standing on my parents' couch at all times of the day. I'm sure I was a pleasure to live with at the time. In any case, I started my training "late" as I was already 14, but I got involved with all the lessons a triple threat would need to sing, act and dance professionally.

I did numerous community musicals. And, once I graduated from high school, and was at the local junior college studying musical theater, I started getting paid professionally at a local dinner theater to perform in musicals. It was absolutely amazing. Until one day, I went to audition for their upcoming show, A Chorus Line. Being overweight was always in the back of my mind. It never went away. But, through God's love and grace, he always surrounded me with wonderful friends and family that saw past my weight, and loved me regardless. In fact, there was really only one time in my life that I was ever made fun of for my weight. It was in middle school. It still cuts "Little Jess" to this day over 30 years later, but I know that child didn't understand the ramifications his words and actions would have on my heart years down the road.

As I went to audition for A Chorus Line, the Director and owner of the dinner theater, one of my dear mentors in theater back then, said to me. "You'll never get a part. You don't fit the part. Do you understand? You don't have the body type of a dancer. You'll never have the body type of a dancer."

I stood there stunned and walked out of the door. The next time I auditioned for her I was almost 40 pounds lighter -- that was less than 6 months later, and I got the part. Through the power of God, he guided my steps towards healthier eating, which included lots of grilled chicken and rice on the daily. He created a dedication in me to walk like a powerhouse 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes a day in the heat and humidity of Florida. And, most of all he made me focused and determined to prove her wrong. Well, in some ways. I may never have the body of a dancer, but I could and would lose the weight. I went from a size 15 / 16 to a size 7 / 8, and it wasn't me or my doing. It was all God. 

Florida State University was my first time being away from home. I remember the day my parents left me all alone in my apartment by myself like it was yesterday. My three other roommates had not yet arrived. I wept silently. I felt alone without my parents... Like a lost child. But, I should have known better. The Lord was right there with me all along. I could have simply prayed and reached out to Him, and He would have been there with me at any time. But, I had forgotten in that moment. Much like I would do throughout my life. But thankfully, God is so gracious, and He always welcomes me home like the prodigals son.

To be continued...