Jessica in Photos

I was raised in a sleepy southern town town in the Florida Panhandle along the beautiful Gulf Coast just situated near the Alabama state line. Known for its sugar white beaches, I spent much of my childhood playing outdoors in the Florida sunshine, despite the heat and humidity. I was a child of the 80's, grew up in the 90's and loved every minute of it.

My parents were immigrants from the Philippines, having met each other in Texas; therefore, that made my two sisters and I first-generation Filipino Americans. My mother had a storied career as a Registered Nurse. My father proudly served in the US Navy before medically retiring and working civil service. 

My father's injuries and nearly yearlong stay in the hospital is what led him to the Lord when a Filipino pastor, who was working along a Southern Baptist Pastor visited him in the hospital. This was after my father recovered from almost dying and receiving his last rites. I was three years old at the time. Even then, the Lord knew what He was doing in my life as He does now.

One day when I was about 12 years old, I finally admitted to my parents, who I absolutely adored,  that I had not slept in weeks. I was terrified. Anxious. Depressed. -- That for some reason, I would sleep walk and kill them -- of course in no way not wanting to at all. I loved and cherished my parents. 

Why would a 12-year-old child even consider such a thing? You see, my family, well, our family time was watching the news magazine shows of the 1990's, such as Dateline NBC, Primetime Live and 2020. It's not surprising considering that:

1. My parents, for lack of a better word, religiously watched ABC Nightly News every night at 5:30pm.

2. I was named after Jessica Savitch, the Weekend Anchor for NBC Nightly News in the late 1970's and early 80's. 

And, on one of those shows, a man used it as his defense in his murder case, so somehow it became strangely embedded in my psyche.

My parents immediately took me to the hospital, and I was admitted in the adolescent behavioral health unit for about a week. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and OCD.

Living with mental illness wasn't necessarily difficult early on. But, sharing my diagnosis with others, including to even my closest friends was. It was a secret I held tightly to for years and years. It was the early 90's when I was diagnosed, and there was still much still stigma around the disease. 

Then came high school -- a period where I blossomed and came into my own in many ways. Being voted "Most Friendliest" Senior Year, involved in every an any club you could think of throughout my four years and holding positions, such as President and Vice President in multiple organizations. Singing, acting and dancing my way through musical production after musical production. You'd think I would be one of the most secure girls in the world. But, I wasn't. I was far from it. The very overweight, chubby girl since childhood, so wished she could find a boyfriend like the other girls. She so desired, like her closest friends, to make it onto Homecoming Court and then Prom Court, but it never happened. Likely not because of my personality or accomplishments (or maybe so), but because of my looks, I fear. And, it was a dagger to the heart.

I really leaned into the Lord in High School. I mean, I had always felt close to Him growing up. But, now that the need to be loved, desired and wanted by another person so badly filled my days with heartache, I soon found that that longing could only truly be quelled by Jesus Christ, who died and paid it all for me. 

I remember the day so vividly. I was 16-years-old. My church youth group was on a retreat in town, and we had actually taken a recreation break at my High School. I was sitting down by myself on the bleachers as the sun began to sink down below the horizon, with such a warm, soothing, glow, I felt as though the Lord was surrounding me in His arms calling me to be His. I just stared... Gazed into the sun... Eyes going blurry... Unfocused... Until tears began to fall. And, that's when I made the single biggest decision of my life. I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. My life was never to be the same, again.

Once I accepted Christ, my life was on fire for Him. It's not that things necessarily got easier in my life, but my soul burned to praise Jesus everyday. As Christians, we are taught that becoming saved secures our eternal salvation and should change the way we now live our lives; however, that doesn't mean the every day struggles simply go away. In fact, sometimes they get even harder, but we have a strong foundation in the Lord to get us through.

High school graduation was a blessing. I graduated in the Top 10 in my class, and I remember my parents beaming with pride. Being the middle child, I always found myself slightly in the shadows of my oldest and youngest sisters, but more importantly to me was always making my parents proud. I would do anything to bring a smile to their faces. They had given me the most idyllic childhood, leaving me wanting nothing, knowing their childhoods weren't as fortunate; not so much in love and affection, but in the extras any child would so desire. You see, the Philippines is an impoverished country, and my parents, especially my father, grew up severely poor. They knew once they immigrated to the States and had their own families, they would give their children everything they didn't have -- and they did. Little did they know that would come in both toys and clothes, but also in my personal relationship with Christ. They fostered and guided me towards the Lord everyday growing up until I could no longer bear the thought of being without Him in my life. That's what amazing, God-fearing parents do. I may not have enjoyed every minute of them steering me as a child, but I am grateful for it. I am so wonderfully blessed the Lord gave them to me as my Mom and Dad and could not be more thankful to still have them with me today.

After graduation and a night of having supervised fun with my classmates at Grad Night, some of my friends and I went to the beach to watch the sunrise. And, just like the sun setting on my old life on the day I was saved when I was 16, watching the sun come across the sky for the start of a new day on this particular morning was like the beginning of a new journey into adulthood, one I wasn't exactly sure I was ready for, but was coming nonetheless. One thing I was certain of was that I had God on my side, and He would be there with me throughout it all.

College was an interesting period of time for me. I wasn't your typical university student right away but started at the local Junior College then headed to Florida State University (Go Noles!) to complete my undergraduate degree. From there, I landed at Syracuse University's SI Newhouse School for Public Communications for graduate school.

I had grand dreams since I was 14 years old, well, actually earlier, of becoming a Broadway musical theater actress -- singing, dancing and acting my way on stage for a living. It all began when my Mom used to take us to the public library when I was in elementary school and rent old musicals on VHS, which she then illegally re-recorded (sorry, Mom!) on blank VHS tapes, and I would watch the musicals over and over. Some of my favorites included: Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Good News, The King and I, South Pacific, Mary Poppins and so many more. However, when I was 14 years old and a member of the Colorguard, which was a part of the High School Band, we took a trip to NYC, and I saw Phantom of the Opera on Broadway for the first time. From there, I was hooked. I came back singing with a hairbrush in hand at the top of my lungs, standing on my parents' couch at all times of the day. I'm sure I was a pleasure to live with at the time. In any case, I started my training "late" as I was already 14, but I got involved with all the lessons a triple threat would need to sing, act and dance professionally.

I did numerous community musicals. And, once I graduated from high school, and was at the local junior college studying musical theater, I started getting paid professionally at a local dinner theater to perform in musicals. It was absolutely amazing. Until one day, I went to audition for their upcoming show, A Chorus Line. Being overweight was always in the back of my mind. It never went away. But, through God's love and grace, he always surrounded me with wonderful friends and family that saw past my weight, and loved me regardless. In fact, there was really only one time in my life that I was ever made fun of for my weight. It was in middle school. It still cuts "Little Jess" to this day over 30 years later, but I know that child didn't understand the ramifications his words and actions would have on my heart years down the road.

As I went to audition for A Chorus Line, the Director and owner of the dinner theater, one of my dear mentors in theater back then, said to me. "You'll never get a part. You don't fit the part. Do you understand? You don't have the body type of a dancer. You'll never have the body type of a dancer."

I stood there stunned and walked out of the door. The next time I auditioned for her I was almost 40 pounds lighter -- that was less than 6 months later, and I got the part. Through the power of God, he guided my steps towards healthier eating, which included lots of grilled chicken and rice on the daily. He created a dedication in me to walk like a powerhouse 5 days a week for at least 30 minutes a day in the heat and humidity of Florida. And, most of all he made me focused and determined to prove her wrong. Well, in some ways. I may never have the body of a dancer, but I could and would lose the weight. I went from a size 15 / 16 to a size 7 / 8, and it wasn't me or my doing. It was all God. 

Florida State University was my first time being away from home. I remember the day my parents left me all alone in my apartment by myself like it was yesterday. My three other roommates had not yet arrived. I wept silently. I felt alone without my parents... Like a lost child. But, I should have known better. The Lord was right there with me all along. I could have simply prayed and reached out to Him, and He would have been there with me at any time. But, I had forgotten in that moment. Much like I would do throughout my life. But thankfully, God is so gracious, and He always welcomes me home like the prodigal son.

My years at Florida State the Lord truly blessed me and surrounded me with Godly friends and leaders at the church I attended. I really found my place and where I belonged. I had never felt as close to the Lord than during my time at FSU. It was so wonderful to be at a well-known party school, and yet, be on fire for the Lord and in the middle of a large group of young men and women who were in the same stage of life. I was truly blessed. 

My life primarily consisted of studying and school, but other than that, I really looked forward to going to church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights and Wednesday nights. Praising Jesus through worship and hearing His word filled my soul and strengthened my relationship with Him. And, I had the privilege to journey on two "Challenge" Bike trips, where our college group biked about 250 miles each trip (roughly 60 miles a day) in order to mimic life's journey and challenges. What an amazing experience and adventure I will never ever forget!

Although I was wonderfully blessed during this time, life wasn't without it's downs, too. I still struggled with my self-esteem and weight, having gained a little bit of weight since moving to a new city and away from my parents. I thought I found the "miracle pill" in the form of what was known as Metabolife 356, which is now banned, due to ephedra. Miraculously, despite experiencing many of the side effects for which ephedra is banned -- heart palpitations, tremors, anxiety, restlessness, dizziness -- I did not have a stroke or heart attack, especially considering I would take the pill, wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt and sweat profusely while doing dance rehearsals for 1-2 hours straight. Praise the Lord He was watching over me and after about a year I decided to stop taking the Metabolife 356 Pill.

Getting into and then going to Syracuse University's SI Newhouse School of Public Communications was somewhat meant to be -- a path destined for me in a way. As I mentioned before, my dream had always been to be a musical theater actress, so when I graduated high school, it's what I immediately majored in; however, after I transferred to Florida State, I decided to finally change my major to Communications after the constant pressure and rejection of auditioning became a lot. 

Earlier, I spoke of being named after NBC Nightly News Weekend Anchor Jessica Savitch and constantly watching news magazine shows as a family, so in a way, it only seemed rightly so, that I would end up in a career in television journalism.

Syracuse was the first time I was hundreds and hundreds of miles away from my family knowing no one for the first time. It was wonderful because my graduate group of studying broadcast journalism was a cohort of about 30 students, and we became very close.

While my relationships with my classmates flourished and blossomed, my relationship with the Lord took a back burner and would bounce back and forth for several, several years in my adulthood.

For the first time in my life, I really came to experience alcohol. And, it was not drinking alcohol to enjoy have a glass of wine, maybe even two, at dinner, I was partying hard during my graduate school years. For the first time in my life, I suppose, I felt "free" and I took advantage of the situation. I am not necessarily proud of the life of partying I did during that time, but in retrospect, I am thankful that I still had the foundation of God and His teachings to keep me from becoming involved in more unscrupulous activities than alcohol.

Syracuse also taught me that no matter how far away from home I go, no matter how much weight I've already lost and no matter how well I'm doing in my studies -- both in class and on-camera; insecurity will still rear its ugly head.

One day, I was walking from the Newhouse Building across campus to go to the gym, of all places, when one of my professors grabbed my cheeks, and said, "You're doing so great! But, we need to get rid of these."

I chuckled out loud not really understanding what he meant until he pinched my cheeks again, and he reiterated, "Your cheeks."

My cheeks. Of all things, I needed to get rid of my cheeks. By this time, I had made it down to a size 5 / 6, and I still wasn't thin enough. So, there I was in the gym 5 days a week for about 2 hours after that. I still don't think I ever got rid of my cheeks, but somehow, I ended up becoming a "runner" of sort -- running 30 minutes on the treadmill each gym trip. Something that has never and will ever happen again. Mad props to those who run because I hate it. 

Syracuse was all around an experience I'll never forget. It brought me close relationships in a short period of time when we were all focused on the same goal. Unfortunately, I was so honed in on those relationships and my own goal, I lost time for God. My lack of a relationship with Him cost me, especially later down the line, when choosing where to take my career. If I had prayed and listened to the Father, I may not have ended up in the predicaments I did, but then again, the Lord allows us free will to choose, we just may have to learn hard lessons along the way.

I didn't choose to live in Michigan, necessarily. Let's say, I was up to live anywhere away from my hometown and the South that I hadn't lived in before, much to the chagrin of my Mother, who wanted all of us girls close to home. When I started applying for broadcast journalism jobs as a television reporter, I cast my net pretty far and wide. I had several bites and went on a few interviews. A couple of the ones I can remember from 20 years ago -- geez, I'm that old now -- were from Illinois and Texas. 

What I do remember, though, is not praying once about God's guidance on where to lead me or where I should go. What a fool I was. I was still hot off my time from Syracuse, where my relationship with was Christ existing, but it was not living.

When I got a call from a scruffy sounding man in Michigan I knew from the bat, it was not a good idea to take the role. However, my parents (and I) had been anxiously waiting for me to get a job and move out of their house. So, even after meeting the even gruffier man in person, along with my parents, I took the position. Again, just like Syracuse, I would be in position where I would know no one in the middle of nowhere -- well in this case in the middle of a mitten (if you didn't know, Michigan is shaped like a mitten and unofficially called The Mitten State).

My first day on the job, I was excited to meet everyone, hopeful it would be just like Syracuse, where we would all become close friends. That came to a screeching halt as soon as I walked in the newsroom and one of the other television reporters, one of my coworkers, eyed me as I walked in. As we were introduced, she didn't try to hide the fact that she looked me up and down -- my entire body, mind you -- while she shook my hand. I knew instantly what a mistake I had made.

For some reason, I was never welcomed in that newsroom in the two years I survived it there. Others, who were new were invited to gatherings. I was not. In the beginning, I didn't speak outspokenly about my faith, and then I began to do so. I was shunned at times, and even made fun of by some photographers. It was tough.

At one point I developed a relationship with a photographer there -- of course a big no, no --  not from their standpoint but just a professional standpoint. I was looking for anyone willing to connect with, when all along I should have been trying to reach out to the Lord. I had gone to church a handful of times, but that was it. I should have really pushed myself to worship and praise. But, it was difficult, I will say going alone.

When I found out the photographer, who I developed feelings, for had gone back to his ex-girlfriend, I was crushed. The one person I had in that community was gone. I felt like my world had just imploded. It had all been building up. The constant ridicule at work, the feelings of not being a good enough employee and then finally my one connection actually ended up being nothing at all. I was alone, literally, in a state of despair.

It was the first time since I was 12 years old that my Father had to come up to get me and take me down to Florida to be hospitalized, again. I was 26. The tears would not stop flowing. It was as if a valve had been set to flow on constant.

If I had just listened to the Lord a couple of years ago, maybe I wouldn't be here? Or, maybe if I had been living my life for the Lord, now, He would have spared me. But, no more what ifs? Time for the what nows?

I was in the hospital for a week before I got out and was discharged and out of work for a few more months in Florida. God reset me during that time. He never left my side during that time. He didn't judge me for the mistakes of my past. He didn't tell me, you didn't follow me faithfully then, I won't be here for you now. No. He healed me and loved on me as any good Father would. And, I came out on top, only to be humbled a couple years later.

It's always a blessing when God places people into your life that you need. That's what the Lord did with Molly. I met Molly at one of the local hospitals while I was working as a reporter on a shoot. She was introduced to me as one of the Hospital Director's Assistants. While talking at lunch we found out we lived 3 doors down in the same apartment complex. Now, 20 years later and she's still one of my dearest friends in the world.

Molly was my lifeline in Michigan. She made an unbearable situation bearable. She is also a Christian, and I am so happy I was able to connect with somebody who loved the Lord as much as me, especially when at work people made disparaging comments about my faith. The Lord knew I needed Molly as a friend, a comfort, and He provided. He always provides.

However, I knew my time with Molly would be somewhat short as she was engaged, and funnily enough, would be moving closer to my family in Florida after she got married. 

My spiritual life still fluctuated, and I wasn't the greatest at going to church. I don't know if it was because I had no one to go with, but I had the hardest time finding the motivation to get plugged in. I still did find the time to pray, and read the Bible here and there, but I really needed to find the fellowship. 

Once Molly moved away, I was somehow able to wiggle in make a friend at work. She was a newbie, who didn't seem to have a tainted impression of me -- whatever that was. We did go out a couple of times and that led to me finding my first love, ever. At 27, I finally fell in love. 

His name was Mark. He was everything I thought I wanted a guy to be. But, in the end he ended up being an entirely different person than I could have ever imagined. He tore my fragile heart into pieces, and the demise of our relationship put through me for a tailspin for months and months.

I was admitted in 2008 and 2009 for psychiatric treatment and was blessed with several years of stability. I was not hospitalized again until 2025.

More to come....